Day 2 - 8.30am

This morning I broke down in my freshly made fruit smoothie (not Innocent I might add). I've been here before... this place, this agony, the arrows through my heart. The seemingly endless circuit of euphoria and despair. The sight of him, the sound of his voice drives knives into my solar plexus.... How does he feel? I wish I knew, yet, I know that somehow I have to take my attention away from him. Even though there's a background of pain, when I do, I feel a little better. I've already plotted my vision for this year but right now the thought of it doesn't fill me with delight... 'Pass motorbike test', 'learn Italian', 'social networking', 'nice holidays', 'build business/client base', 'cooking', 'dancing' etc etc. What's the point, without a man to share it with? Thinking about it, I don't think I've ever been happy for no reason. There's always been a pending visit from a shag buddie or boyfriend to pep me up. How will I get through this without falling for another man and will I come out the other side? Blind faith is called for. This feels like the spin into hell.