Ho hum, dingalingaling... WTF! Italy was NOT what I thought it would be. It wasn't the answer to my prayers. It was a disaster. I hated mostely every minute of it. I longed to come home. My heart was here at Freshwater View. Having had therapy for it now I realise that I was trying to learn the language to please my father. 'Oh won't Daddy be proud of me if I can speak Italian! It's what he wants for me!' The fact is, I have very few fond memories of Italy/Sicily. When I was younger I got dragged there kicking and screaming. Everything about the place was different to what I was used to. Too much food, too much sun, too many people, too much noise, too much chaos, too many public displays of affection and no creature comforts (especially during the winter months). The people spoke differently, I couldn't understand them, I felt isolated and they all looked like wrinkly monsters... there was no joy to be had, apart from the odd Cannoli. So I went to Italy this time round, off my own back to try and make peace with it, but it failed. Ah well... lesson learned.
In the meantime... things have fucked up again with the man. I don't know if it can be resolved this time, even though I want it to. I think we are too different. He is very inflexible and I won't settle for second best. I am second best to a computer game... He's having flat screen affair! After work I think it's nice to talk, to bond, to share cooking or walking but no... he runs to his cave. When I do talk to him, he appears disinterested. Of late, I think we've been as bad as each other. I just can't be arsed listening to his negative slagging off of other people, even if it is in jest. I had so much fun on Saturday afternoon in Manchester with a mate that when I met Him later that night, my mood just dropped...and I thought, 'what am I doing here?' I just can't seem to be myself around him. He just looks at me funny when I am. What's that all about?
I want to try and work on things but he reckons we are unworkeroutable. I said that if he wants to finish it, I want him out over the weekend! He wasn't impressed.
He's due home any minute... I'll let you know how it goes.
